Guest Post – I Thought You Hated Me

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Guest Post by Renee Fisher – I am humbled and excited to have Renee Fisher as a guest blogger this week. We “met” through and have become friends over the last year. Renee inspires me as a writer and Christian woman. I am truly thankful for her friendship and, dare I say, unintentional mentorship. This post is part of an excerpt from her new book “Dream Devotional“. I hope her message inspires you today!


“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” – (Matthew 6:24, NIV).

Each time I played the “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” game, I only had two options: love or hate. Either you loved me or I thought you hated me. I recently devoured another book, He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen. I am so impressed with this simple yet profound message that Jesus loves me.

He loves me. That is all.

I wonder how many of us are still walking the tightrope of God’s love? Wayne says, “So perhaps it’s time to toss your daisies aside and discover that it is not the fear of losing God’s love that will keep you on his path, but the simple joy of living in it every day.”

Love. Isn’t that what we’re searching for? Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of the day I would be loved. My father’s love wasn’t enough. I wanted romantic love. When God didn’t allow a relationship in my life to happen on my time schedule, I questioned Jesus’ love. I thought He hated me.

A hard lesson I had to learn was that God, in fact, loved me and not because of anything I had ever done. I’ll never forget walking the Oceanside Pier one night with church friends. We were participating in a beach outreach and giving away free hot chocolate with no strings attached. It was so simple. Jesus loves you; here’s some hot cocoa. And yet I found myself so offended. I was angry. If Jesus loved me, then why didn’t He (fill in the blank)?

That’s what I believed. I struggled with the gnawing emptiness inside of me. It wasn’t enough to be friends with God. I wanted a human relationship with human affection.

Wayne continues, “God feels the same way about you. He’s not interested in your service or sacrifice. He only wants you to know how much you are loved, hoping that you will choose to love him in return. Understand that, and everything else about your life will fall into place; miss that, and nothing else will make any difference.”

That profound revelation shook my faith. Solidified my love for Him. Jesus didn’t want me to do anything for Him. He loved me. That was all.

I am ashamed to admit that even after learning this lesson about love, I find myself working in other areas to prove my love. To earn more (fill in the blank). Isn’t this one of the biggest lies in our culture? If you’re married with children, you must be doing something right. If you’re without a spouse and/or children, forget about it. If I’m honest, I’m still playing the “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” game. Instead of love, I replace it with other concepts, such as a job title or my own abilities. Both of these lead back to my performance. My wrong motives. God’s love is not performance-based. Neither is my reward. As an author who speaks and writes publicly, I am once again ashamed.

This process hurts so much. But it’s been good. Cathartic. I can’t even say how grateful I am that God has cut through the bull to help me see my own sin. My selfishness. God wants me to be selfless. Whether or not God chooses to reward the works He called me to do this side of heaven is on Him. He should be enough because He is enough. Just like that time I learned that God’s love was enough when I was single. Just like I learned that ministry was enough without a job title or steady salary.

Dear Dream-Giver Jesus, please forgive me for playing the “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” game with you. Of course, you love me. Help me to see your love, feel your love, and receive your love today. Amen.

Has God allowed you to come to the end of your efforts so you could find out how much you are loved? Is your desire for others reward or for God’s?


ReneejFisherRenee Fisher is an adoring wife to Marc and mom to their pit bull named Star. She is a spirited speaker and author of five books, including Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me (Harvest House, 2013). Renee is the editor and founder of, and loves nothing more than to spur others forward. She is on the Advisory Board for ChristianMingle, creator of Quarter Life Conference, and a Biola University graduate. Renee lives in CA and loves running on sunny days. An ex-introvert, she loves connecting with new people daily. Connect with her at


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