The Back Surgery Monologues

Going through a major back surgery is not for the faint of heart. It requires a strong person that is determined to feel well and conquer recovery. I’d be lying if I said that I have been a saint through this process – there were some very difficult days and moments. I’d spend hours crying over the situation, a movement that sent pain radiating down my leg, or the fact that I hadn’t been outdoors in several days.

In the beginning, you’re completely dependent on the care of others to do everything – such as getting food, getting up from or sitting in a chair, showering, using the toilet, getting dressed, and more. Your sense of independence becomes lost and it’d be easy for anyone to lose themselves in the process.

While it’s easy to look from the outside in and say that things seem to be going well, you never truly know just HOW a person is struggling.

On a lighter note, the topic of back surgery can be serious, and I felt it necessary to add a little humor to the situation. As the saying goes, “If you can’t laugh about it, you’ll cry about it.”

So, here are some of the many thoughts a person may have while recovering…

The inner monologues from the drawn out reality of lumbar surgery:

Unshaven Legs: “Good heavens!! NO ONE will ever see these legs until I can bend. NO ONE!!”
Not Bending: “The last time I got on the floor was at least 2 months ago. Do I even remember what our carpet feels like anymore? I can smell it though… better call someone to come over and vacuum.”
Getting Dressed: “Maybe if I hold onto the dresser with my left hand and my cane with the right, then I can pull this shirt over my… oh, nope… then both hands are busy. Well, let’s move on to socks that will be easy… HA!”
Dropping Items: “Oops!! No. Not again! Let me just reach down and… oh wait… no bending, lifting, twisting… shoot. Guess I’ll circle back to that fork in a couple of hours when my caretaker is around.”
Uncertain Noises: “What was that? Anyone else hear that? Wait… I can’t see anything. Or move. Or get up quickly. Do I need to get up quickly? Should I just get up now?”
Wearing Pretty Clothes: “Hello slinky black dress and simple black pumps! I promise to wear you as SOON as I’m feeling better…. even if I have no where to go. Because YOU deserve to be worn!”
Seeing a Runner: “Look at you, just running along like your back doesn’t even hurt. Hmm. What’s that like??”
Descending Stairs: “Okay, right hand railing and left hand cane.. here we go! Okay, which leg goes first? Which one had more nerve pain today? Let’s try this one… nope, not that one!”
Getting Outside: “Are there stairs? Is it warm out? Cool? Windy? Sunny? Cloudy? Rainy? Nah forget it. I’m comfortable here. But I’d really like to go outside…”
Taking a Shower: “Shuffle left foot, shuffle right foot. Slower. SLOWER! Don’t fall, don’t fall. Now slowly reach for the shampoo… closer, slower, almost there.”

Words By Mara

Empowering women. Defeating chronic pain. Sharing stories.